Don’t withdraw your affection from the little things.
When you are in an early relationship stage, you do cute things for one another, like writing loving notes, giving small gifts, or sharing your dreams and hopes to lose yourself in the relationship. As time passed, some of the things you did to show affection and love vaned off. Guess what? When you did those little loving things for your spouse and began to cut it off over time, your spouse went into hormonal withdrawal, like being off a street drug.
What you did to woo or romance your spouse invoked a positive hormonal response. Those memories and feelings got planted deep in the mind and heart—pleasant emotions to keep your relationship bonded and desired. When the spouse removes his or her intensity and attention toward the other, it triggers a withdrawal of feelings and love. What replaces it is all negativity and anxiety about the relationship. Many start to seek the same attention from others. Some seek it online with random strangers to feel the high they once felt and get into emotional relationships while still married to their spouse.
The world has offered them easy access to chat with real or imagined A.I. chatbots relationships. All to destroy what God had ordained a loving home and marriage.
Much of the loneliness people feel today is manifested in how they behave and act out towards themselves and others. The Dailymail published its article on Would you date a robot? on December 8, 2017, stated the following key findings:
27% of 18-34-year-olds would form a relationship with a robot
British men were three times more likely to form a relationship with a robot compared to women
Men are also more likely than women to prefer their social media lives to their real ones
70% said that smartphones are weakening human bonds
42% of 18-34-year-olds report feeling depressed or unhappy after seeing other people's lives online
This trend to seek love with programmed robots than God-made real women will ultimately result in an aging and nearly extinct generation. For example, Japanese society fell apart as men, labeled as otaku, had no interest in a real woman relationship but preferred their A.I. cartoon girlfriends. Some even married them. Japan now has an aging population with no real hope of replacing it with the next generation. Young Japanese are not getting married and not making babies, at least not enough. So emotional connection with your spouse is essential to a good marriage. Robots will replace not only human jobs but also sexual relationships with real people. Conversations with A.I. bots are becoming more and more realistic, and treating them as human surrogates is easy. Ultimately, having a traditional biblical relationship will be a rarity where the younger generation will not know what it's like.
The world governments and corporations are doing everything they can to destroy a heterosexual monogamous nuclear family home, a biblical way of a married household to raise the next generation. Instead, the political powers are promoting and codifying into law ideas of transgenderism to destroy your identity as male and female. Promoting homosexuality erodes the natural order of affection towards men and women as God intended and designed us to procreate. They are enabling multiple sexual partners in all age groups to defile and corrupt people for all-natural relationships where anything goes. People engaged in sexual perversions of all kinds, seen and unseen. Society is erasing natural affections for one another and becoming lustful for their evil desires. All these perverted things are growing as they remove God from their lives.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. Romans 1:24-27 NIV.
Imagine you are sailing across the ocean. All these things distract your relationship off-course around these small icebergs that you need to navigate through or around for a good relationship. A connected couple lives longer and finds happiness in all they do. It becomes a service to one another and builds a community for others to follow. In contrast, lonely people end up living for themselves. Even eating a meal together is more meaningful when shared with others than eating alone. It's a psychological-emotional balance that a good marriage is blessed with.
Today, many are struggling to find and keep a good relationship. Some ways to build trust and emotional connection with your spouse are by doing the small things you initially did. It can’t get tiring to write notes to one another once in a while or buy small trinkets of love. These little love gifts don’t get thrown out but saved into their treasure box of love. This doesn’t mean buying expensive gifts because consumerism is not a gift of love; it's self-gratification. Small gifts like flowers, handmade trinkets, a card, cooking a special meal, writing a love poem, going away for a weekend, a long drive, or anything that connects you with your spouse. The possibilities to be creative and showcase your talents in the art of love are endless.
Mary, a sinning woman, went to see Jesus, anointed his feet with oil, and wiped it with her hair in front of all to see who was with Him. John 12:3. Some protested to themselves, but Jesus said:
Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house. You gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. You gave Me no kiss, but this woman, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with ointment. Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little.” Luke 7: 44-47 MEV.
It's easy sometime to dismiss your partner when he or she is always available and next to you. It would help if you reminded yourself who your partner is in your life and what your life would be like without your spouse. What does your spouse mean to your everyday existence, your well-being, and your thoughts about your future happiness? Once you start to formulate a picture of yourself without your partner, this image might help you take the extra step to show your partner affection, interest, and concern, even if only for a moment.
Mary anointed Jesus with costly spikenard oil kept in an alabaster box (Mark 14:3) not only out of love but also for His coming burial.
But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, who would betray Him, said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He said this, not because he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief. And having the money box, he used to steal what was put in it. But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She has kept this for the day of My burial. For you always have the poor with you, but you do not always have Me.” John 12: 4-8 MEV.
Doing the small things reminds yourself and your spouse that you are still engaged in the relationship and treasure each other. Not doing it, your spouse may seek out people who will give your partner the attention they’re not getting from you. Eventually, people will no longer desire a relationship with real people but prefer a virtual or robotic partner. They will only choose this because people forget to initiate love and keep it in their hearts for one another.
Love and romance have always been art forms. Real sex and marriage are a gift from God. A good marriage requires sacrifice and submission to each other. Throughout the Bible, God likens his love for Israel to a married relationship. God even illustrates His emotional side as a jilted lover after unfaithful Israel spiritually cheats on Him with other gods in the book of Hosea. God still calls for her repentance back to Him. If a cheating spouse has betrayed you, Hosea is the book to read to let out all your emotions as God did.
God is not without words of romance. The Songs of Songs are the early love songs by Solomon.
How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter! The curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand.
Your navel is a round bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies.
Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, overlooking Damascus.
Your head crowns like Carmel, and your flowing hair is like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses.
How fair and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!
Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its branches. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.
The Woman: I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.
Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the fields, and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards, and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and at our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved. Song of Songs 7 MEV.
Perhaps you can get inspired by the Songs of Solomon and write your loved one a little poem of love. You can also listen to love songs by David J. Harvey, a UK artist, and buy his album Cinderella at our site, www.savedandloved.com. Until next time!