God invented marriage between a man and woman and gave them children as a blessing. He defined the roles of a good husband and a wife. Many wait a long time to meet the right spouse to start their life and home. Others remain single as God called them to be. But those He blessed with a marriage and family have a higher calling to raise the next generation and instruct them in God’s ways.
Thus, the first and biggest iceberg to avoid is following social trends and the world’s definition of a marriage instead of God’s. While cultures change, God never changes. His Word applied more than 2000 years ago and still applies today. However, many people follow their path to marry in different ways that God did not fashion. For example, in a caste in India, people marry their young children as newborns. Young brides are given over to the groom’s family to raise in their homes. Some lonely Japanese men marry their created objects to fall in love with their A.I. avatar girlfriends.
The LGBTQ crowd has come up with many forms of relationships and has lobbied to get same-sex marriages legalized when this is an abomination to the Lord. Still, others defined their marriages as polyamorous with multiple partners. Some crazy outliers marry their pets or inanimate objects like dolls.
Even heterosexual marriages are defiled with ungodly lifestyles and adultery. Anything goes in a sinful world, but God has a very narrow definition and purpose for a godly man and a godly woman to come together as one flesh.
A man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 MEV and Ephesians 5:31.
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.’ So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:6-9 MEV.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I am speaking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:30-31 MEV.
In some eastern cultures, men don’t leave their father and mother but stay with them. The wife becomes burdened with not only taking care of her husband and family but also his parents to be under their control. God specifically said that a man is to leave his parents and cleave with his wife.
God’s blessing over the marriage is only reserved for an adult man to marry an adult woman and no other. True happiness can only be found under a God-ordained hierarchy. Ephesians 5:23. Christ is head of the husband in a God-driven household. The husband is the head of his home and his wife. The wife is the head of the family and their children, under her husband's authority. The children are the blessings of your marriage. If you love your spouse, you will love your children and reflect God’s love in and out of your home.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Colossians 3:18-21 KJV.
All such relationships are held together with a voluntary social contract that the husband will love his wife. The wife will honor and respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33. Each will treat their kids with mutual respect and love, not property.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 MEV.
If anyone breaks this social contract, the house will divide and fall apart, causing a lifetime of pain and suffering. So, it's imperative that everyone in the house learns and honors their role within the family and never break the social contract.
A good marriage starts with a godly husband to uplift the marriage as a godly household. As Christ is the head of the man, He ordains his ways towards the family. He commands the husbands to love their wives.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:25 KJV.
In this way, men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord cares for the church. Ephesians 5:28-29 KJV.
No wife would leave a good marriage and a loving husband commanded by God to love her as himself unless she is an unbelieving wife. If a man cannot love his wife to become one flesh, a silent war is brewing in the home to end in divorce or worse.
Conversely, a godly husband deserves a godly wife. If he can find her, she is worth far more than the earthly wealth. The Bible has much to say about a virtuous wife in Proverb 31 and raises a very high bar to become a good God-fearing woman.
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her so that he will have no lack of gain. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. She clothes herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good; her candle does not go out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen and sells it and delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing, and she will rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the teaching of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her ‘Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:10-31 MEV.
To summarize, this modern wonder woman today is trustworthy and works diligently in whatever she is trained to do. We don’t work with our hands to spin wool and flax today. By modern standards, a woman can be a housekeeper, store owner, doctor, or manager. There are no limits. Whatever she is good at doing, she ought to be trained well and do it, not for herself but for her household. The so-called "feminists" missed this concept of attempting to rebel against the “patriarchy” but are rebelling against God Himself. God defined what a true feminist is in this Proverb where she is all that and more while she still takes care of her family. She is generous to the poor and needy. She dresses her husband and kids well to be respected in the community. She doesn’t allow her kids to dress in vile or trendy street clothing to reflect a bad image. Instead, she will pick the right clothes for all to reflect a godly home. She is good at making things or working with her hands to help her family earn a living wherever possible. She speaks with wisdom and kindness. She eats from her diligent hands and not as an idle freeloader. Most of all, she fears the Lord as wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord. If she can reach such a high standard, she will be well praised and respected in her community.
This proverb teaches us that God has set a very high bar for the husband and the wife to come together as one flesh in marriage so that all generations will reflect God’s standard and His image. God’s blessings and His Word are passed on. A good marriage and home are required to raise a virtuous young woman to become someone’s wife or a godly man head of the household. Finding a good spouse helps build trust and a home for all to live and enjoy godly blessings.
If you are a single woman unable to find a godly husband, perhaps you are given time to yourself with God to become what He wants you to become for your future husband. The time alone is much like training as a soldier who will someday be ready for battle.
The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:34 MEV.
If you are a single man unable to find a godly woman, you are given time to mature and become the man that a good woman can respect and honor. She went the extra mile for you to be a godly wife. At least you can do is become her Boaz when she finds you.
He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares for the things of the world, how he may please his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 MEV.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to keep a good marriage and home, your spouse is not engaged to care about you and what you do for the household. As such, one spouse may have already left the relationship mentally and doesn’t want to revive it. That spouse may have chosen to move on to find a new relationship high with someone else. If your partner wants to leave, then he or she can go. The partner will never be able to live up to God’s standard for a good marriage if he or she is not committed and cannot return your love. Even though God hates divorce, he allows it as people don’t live in absolutes and are sinful.
If you are a believer, but your spouse is not, you are already unequally yoked. However, God says you shouldn’t try to leave the marriage if the spouse willingly stays.
And if the woman has an unbelieving husband who consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean. But now they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 MEV.
If the unbelieving spouse is unsaved in Jesus Christ and wants to leave the marriage, the Bible says, let him or her go. 1 Corinthians 7:15 MEV. If both partners are believers, you are to work to save your marriage if possible.
We are all meant to be in loving relationships, even when left alone. But when we turn to the world instead of God, we miss God’s purpose for our life. For those who pray together, stay together.
In the way of righteousness is life, and in its pathway, there is no death. Proverb 12:28 MEV.
A godly household is eternal, a Christ-centered life now and later with Him in our resurrection. If you follow God’s way to a marriage, you will see all the blessings He intended for you now and forever. If you follow the world, you will only reap what the world offers in confusion and death.
The next iceberg to avoid is not withdrawing your affection to your spouse and doing little things in life that nurture the relationship. Stay tuned!